A bit long (Lads Trip - Swear Words)

At least you got a warning.

Alibaba (Mark Allison Male - must emphasise male - 28 years of age)
EH - (Eddie Hunt - also known as Ed - 28 years of age)
The Bootleg Beatle Return.

Vegas Trip Report 2 (The revenge of Circus Circus - Previous trip 21st Feb 2001.


Well can you believe it I'm here again back making a return journey to Vegas.
And yet again, What a ruddy trip it was.
Me and EH were doin' it again, and can you believe we were going back to the dump we stayed in last time - reason being I actually enjoyed staying here last time and I thought more gambling money.

First of all I'd like to point out that this was a surprise to us both, after last time - we'd got back in England at the end of Feb and thought "Sod it, lets do it again," the only reason being that I'd won some money on the lottery over hear in blighty.

So, we did the Airtrip from hell out of Manchester, England with Airtours again, but this time we went First Class (the last time I went first class was when I was at school when I was the first in the class to get my medical - A for Allison - me bastard surname).
First ruddy class, free drinks for the whole of the 11hours, and guess what I could stretch my legs that couple of inches more).
I was as drunk as a skunk the entire flight - I had to wake EH a few times as the noise from his snoring was shattering glasses on the drinks trolley, and I had a bad feeling it might shatter the windows on the plane.
"Piss off, leave me alone I'm shattered," EH would shout.
Now don't get me wrong when I say I was slightly hurt by his comments, and deeply thought my self-asteem had taken a beating by what he had said, I couldnt think of anything to say back to him which would have such a bearing on his life so I said;
"You, piss off and shut your bastard mouth."

After landing at noon, here again, I could see the wonder of the strip from my plane window.
But I told myself, No!, I wouldnt run off the plane first this time, but EH did.

Got through customs without many problems. Got asked a few silly questions from customs:
"Sir, when are you going back to the UK? How long are you here for? How much expenditure have you got with you Sir? (with this question I said I dont wear them as they cut into my balls - don't know what expenditure means.)
Do you have any food and plants with you? (I said No! to the food and Yes! to the plant, as I pointed/indicated EH to him.)

Got to Circus, Circus again - just as I left it (the kid's funhouse).
Checked in at a nice price of 29dollars - guess where - yep! you guessed it the MANOR ROOMS - Oh! my god! What a crap place (From first class to flea pit heaven in less than 30minutes.)
Well a room I suppose is for sleeping, farting, and being sick in - I wasn't bothered and neither was EH (after all he couldn't complain he was getting the trip for sod all anyway).

Did the usual stuff, checked out all the furniture, checked the bathroom for marble floorings, checked the tappets, the shower head, the sink size, the television size, if I had cable, if the bed covers were clean, then I whipped my tape measure out and checked the size of the room in length and width and diagionally. One word, "bollocks", the truth is we threw our cases on the beds, and pissed off to the casino. EH signed up for a Ringmaster card, I got mine last time, he got a funbook.
We were starving so we went to the lunch buffet in Circus, Circus, stuffed ourselves with food continuously for about 1hr, left a 5dollar tip as Melanie the server was excellent as well as a bit sexy. I think we both fancied her.
She could have had my banana split anyday.

"Let's go gambling, this is our mission do you want to except it, this body will self-distruct in 5seconds", I said to EH.
EH responded with "shut up you pratt, I'm off gambling."
I farted.

Went to the main casino, underneath the midway. I was putting 10 dollar bets on blackjack. I was at 2nd base, and EH was at 3rd (these were the only places we could get in - very busy). Cashed in with 100 dollars each, I lost all of mine midway through the 2nd shoe - EH on the other hand had got his 100 to 200.
It would have been easier for me to just give him my 100 and say, "you can have it".
Went for a wonder and left EH on the blackjack, played a few 1dollar slots in the little carousel which is meant to give you 97.4percent pay back. Lets just say I lost around 50bucks, but I did get a few drinks and was playing for quite a while.
From where I sat, a lady on a monopoly machine 25cents won a fortune and I think, from what I could see, a 500dollar hand payout.
The place was busy and I had to get of that bastard carousel thing as it was turning my stomach.
Went back over to EH and saw his 200 had deleloped into 300, Git!
I'm off for a walk I informed him and decided to go to the Stardust. Did okay at the Video Poker - up around 50bucks. Went back to CCircus and couldn't see EH so went to room, he was fast asleep. I decided I was tired too and fell asleep.

"And don't you ever f'in come back to me you piece of shit!", someone female outside the room shouted.
Well if that ain't a wake-up call then I don't know what is.
We both woke up, SEPARATE BEDS!!!!!, it was around 4am, and now I was wide awake - Jet lagged. The bags under my eyes looked like I'd gone 15rounds with Holyfield. I put the telly on and caught something about Ants having sex. I thought I'd better have a shower to cool me down and no I was not feeling horny.
Both got up and out by 5am, and went for some food.

Got some grub, and read a paper from the 24hr shop in the back entrance.
Did a bit more gambling on some 5cents TIC TAC DISCO machine, did okay got it up to 800 credits and cashed out.
EH was back at the blackjack table - he'd lost all 300 from yesterday, and a further 200 on this session.
We decided to go Mid-strip. Grabbed a cab to the Bellagio - to say we felt like trash in this place was an understatement - I felt at any moment some guy was going to stick a sharp pointy thing into me and place me in a black litter bag.
Nice place, shame about the prices in the shops.
Went for a walk around, Ceasers, Venitian, Imperial Palace (Ass-ho), Casino Royle, enjoyed ourselves just doing the touristy thing.
Went into the Forum Shops around 3pm, and grabbed some food at this place (can't remember the place but we were allowed to play with crayons and scribble all over the table cloth/sheet) - Anybody any ideas, it's been annoying me to what the place was called. We had pizza.
Then went onto the Race for Atlantis ride, thought it was crap! Still a firm favourite of Star Tours.
Went over to Virgin Megastore, I spent a fortune, must have increased there shares on the stockmartek by at least 5cents.
We then decided to walk back to CCircus and this is where the fun begins.

We were walking back and had just past The Frontier near the car park, when this lady with long black hair, about 5foot 10inch tall, aged around 25, with nice make-up and a great smile came up to me and asked if I had the time. So, I looked down at my watch and indicated in my brain what time it was. EH was grinning his usually cheesey grin at the girl.
I looked up and informed her of the time, and as I did this, she asked "would I like to come and help her with her car as it had cut out".
The english gentleman I am, I said "Yep, no problem, whats up with it."
"I dunno, would you help me." she said. EH was giving me a nudge and a wink, you could hear what he was saying to me under his breath, go on my son, go for it. EH took my Virgin megastore bags from me and said;
"Mark, I'm off back to the hotel, see you in 5minutes, I don't feel too good."
"Okay, no problem, you okay," I said, and thought he must be dehydrated.
"Yep, I'll be okay, see you in a bit."

So here I was in Vegas, in The Frontier carpark, with this quite sexy lady thinking I might have a chance.
I started chatting to her and she seemed quite nice, pleasant and giving me some signs. Her car was situated way at the back of the carpark by itself.
We chatted a little.
"You from England," she said.
"Yep, from Liverpool," I said.
She told me to get in the drivers seat and handed me the keys, she got into the drivers seat. I turned the keys and the car started straight away.
"What the fuc*?" I said I think.
"Do you want to have sex? 40bucks" she said.
"Wat!!!, Wat!!!! what the?" I shouted.
Her voice changed deeper, "do you want to?"
"No bloody way!!!, I need to, but I'm not that desparate."
Then KERPOW!!! like a bomb had gone off in my head, it was a bloke (a lady boy) - it made sense, tall, thin, broad shoulders, nice make-up, voice changing.
I was out of there, I gave it 20dollars and bloody ran off.

Got back to the room in CCircus and as I got in EH was laughing his head off.
"You look pale...", he said.
"You bastard, you knew, you bastard...." I shouted at him.
"Did you not tell it was a prostitute, when she asked you for the time she had a watch on her wrist already, you idiot," he said.
"It wasn't a SHE it was a friggin HE." I shouted.
"SHIT!!!" was his response.


After about 3hrs calming myself down and EH making stupid remarks at me, it was time to eat. Went to the PINK PONY and grabbed some food, and stayed gambling in CCircus. I didn't step out of the place, just in case Ladyboy's boyfriend was looking for me.
Every once in a while EH would point out and say;
"Thats female and that over there is a male, can you tell the difference."
"Piss off you couldnt tell either," my response would be.
Got to around 10pm and I was shattered, went to bed and left EH gambling a bit more - it had yet again been an eventful day.

DAY3 (last full day)

Got up and out of the room at 9am, went over and grabbed some food in Las Vegas Hilton, did a bit of gambling, and then went onto the Star Trek Ride. Brilliant, great time, got absolutely drunk by noon drinking some green lager stuff.
Pity, as I was to find out later that night, that it comes out the same colour as it goes in. I nearly pissed myself again when I found out.

Got a cab around 1pm to MGM and decided to do the south strip bit. Got lost in MGM together, then I got lost in MGM by-myself, then EH got lost by himself, then we somehow seemed to meet up again just outside the Rain Forest cafe. I think MGM stands for (Mammoth Giant Maze).
Walked over the bridge to NYNY, and decided to do a bit of gambling here for a bit. What I did notice in the casino that it really recreates the atmosphere of NYNY but were are the muggers, thiefs, pimps, I knew were the whores were they're in The Frontiers bastard car park. I kept quiet and didn't say anything to EH. Did a bit of gambling on blackjack, and lost around 100 dollars, EH again doubled his money.

We then left and headed for Excalibur, quickly left, didn't like it that much, I've seen alot of castles here in Blighty.
We then decided to walk to Luxor, I love this place after popping in last time.
EH loved it too.
I said something really stupid when I was in this place to EH;
"Daddy, daddy were's MUMMY?", do you get it, MUMMY, as in the bandaged variety.
I realise it was lame.
EH response, "Shut up you pratt!"
We grabbed a stool and did a bit more gambling on the blackjack, lost another 100, and EH was up around 50 (are you getting the drift on this gambling - the lucky bastard). Had a few Budweisers in here, so feeling great although I'd lost. Decided we couldn't be bothered to go to Randy-Gay Lay (MBay).
Got a cab back to Slots-of-Fun and walked to the Macs near Westwood Ho.
Grabbed a bite to eat. Decided to go into Westwood Ho and had a go on the Video Poker and a few Margareita's. We were both drunk when we left there.
Got back to our room in CCircus very slowly and had some sleep for about an hour.
Got up about 3hrs later (9pm) and thought let's go gambling hard. Last night in Vegas.
Went over to the blackjack again and starting placing 50 dollar bets, first go we both got blackjack. Nice start, I then lost the next 8 hands and left. EH had won the irst game with blackjack, lost next 2, won next 6. Pit Boss came over and asked if we wanted anything - I said "Yep, a win would be nice.", he just gave me look as if to say "Shut up you pratt!". Funny that everyone seems to be saying that to me on this trip.
We both left the table and did the slots for a while, Wheel of Fortune was a nightmare. Went up to the Midway around 10pm for the last hour playing on the arcade machines. I felt old up there, but hey! I was having a laugh, if I was only 10years younger.
We both left the mid-way drooling at the thought of all those 18,19,20 year old girlies.

Anyway, back to reality, we decided to go back over to the blackjack and give it another shot. I WON, I WON, not alot but 200 dollars, EH won aswell around 50 bucks. We had only decided to wager 25dollar bets.

Time for the roulette, big mistake for me again, I put 100 dollars on black, 100 dollars on 1-12, and yep I lost the lot, Green 0 showed up. What is it with Green 0, it came up last time on the first spin when I was here in Feb.

Anyway after a bit more gambling breaking even I was tired, EH had gone to bed, I decided to go and get some juice as I was thirsty. Here we go again.
I went into the 24hr shop near the back entrance of CCircus, it was fairly busy, around 5 people in there, one bloke, 2 old women in there early seventies and 2 young girls.
I had a look at the chocolate bars, picked a couple, a packet of chips (we call then crisps over here), and then I went to the drink fridges. The fridge on the left of me was open as the two young girls were pickin some juices from that fridge. I opened my fridge and looked at the juices and decided to grab this PINK Hawaian Punch Gatorade. I grabbed hold of it with my clammy hand starting to pull the drink from the shelf of the fridge while looking at the pretty young girls on me left and smiling thinkin to myself 'Hey girls look at this good looking bloke, fancy a f....',
SMASH!, SMASH again, SMASH again, and again SMASH! SMASH!
I looked immediately to the fridge, the whole fuckin shelf had collapsed on me, there were bottles flying here there and every fuckin were. My hands were everywere trying to stop the drinks from falling, if I was an octopus with eight hands I would have been short by 12. SMASH!, SMASH!, one bottle hit me in the chest, I kneed one bottle. I went as PINK as the gatorade I had originally chosen.
The young girls starting laughing, the whole place went into shock. I looked on the floor and could see a rainbow of colours, all these gatorades had merged together, it was a colour I hadn't seen before - it was a beautiful mixture of colours, a life changing experience I was experiencing - until the cashier came over and said in a stout voice:
"What the fuck have you done?"
I snapped out of my dream like state and shouted "Nothing it collapsed on me."

Needless to say, when I got to my room, the event over, and nothing to pay, as it really wasn't my fault, I was depressed. The last night in Vegas. EH was lying in bed watching some TV and said;
"What the fuck has happened to you?"
"Don't ask." I said.
"You look like Joseph and his Technicolour Dreamcoat, what the hell is all that colour over your pant's and shoes?"
I stood there in the room, with my hands by my sides and said, "I'm off to bed."


Got up and had several showers because I smelt like a sugar factory and my legs were different shades of gatorade. Went to the casino, did a bit more gambling, grabbed a bite to eat (Macs breakfast on midway), checked out the room, cashed in our Ringmaster cards, both got around 50bucks each back.
Went into the CCircus shop and got some stupid items for souveniers and spent the 50bucks I had just been rewarded.
Got back to the airport for our 2pm flight out of here.
Got on the plane without any incidents and sat back in my window seat, EH next to me. First Class again.
When, I heard that noise again, EH was snoring and we hadn't even taken off the bastard runway yet.
I woke him up, and said "Eh! your snoring."
And he said, "Shut up you Pratt!", and whispered under his breath, "at least you can tell I snore like a man, you ladyboy." Vegas could hear me laughing my head off as we left the runway.....

Conclusions =========== 1. Never drink gatorade in Vegas from a 24hr shop.
2. Never try and fix a 'ITS' car.

Back in July, Imperial Palace

Cheers, Mark.